Desperate to define myself as worthy I willingly threw myself into the wood chipper that is ultra distance cycling.
With distances like these, dreaming of the finish line is a fool’s errand.
This left me to my relentless effort and hypnotic rhythm, of my unwavering breath.
Pedaling and pedaling…
The sun slipped out of sight.
The cold darkness of the night taunted my resolve.
Crushed by monotony and sheer desperation, I was worn to a delicious unconsciousness for untold hours.
Detached from my pain, my disembodied legs continued the journey.
The subtle hint of red and orange bursting from the the horizon marked the passing time.
Without mercy, the hot midmorning sun forced the sweet unconsciousness into seclusion. My tired broken legs re-embodied.
Redefining exhaustion I lumbered across the finish line pining for the quiet unencumbered state that left me without my crushing pain.
I didn’t understand
What was once so present and profound, was now gone.
Disoriented, my everyday world now felt somehow less authentic.
This sent me reeling.
With the fanaticism of a religious zealot I sought to capture and maintain that elusive life altering experience.
I didn’t find what I wanted or expected.
Every potential vista would vanish into the ether mist.
Disillusioned, with my porcelain mask lying shattered on the floor. I let go of my desire.
Vast nothingness swallowed me whole.
Like an atom encountering Einstein I burst into boundless white light.
