Cycling the Inward Path

A spiritual memoir that dives into the territory of punishing and pushing the body through ultra distance bicycle racing to the point of breaking, surrendering and ecstatic trance. The experience delivers the first direct connection to the root of self and spirit. 

The story is replete with tragedy, deceit, infidelity and addiction and the path continues into the complete destruction of every tangible and intangible structure encountered. The story is one of utter failure and blissful glory. It takes you through a chain of events, which on the surface may seem tragic, eventually revealing the divine beauty and order that surrounds us all.

It’s a stupidly long race.

We love that part.

The distance would crush the mere mortal.

We love that even more.

It’s audacious to even line up to start.

The willingness to stand on the precipice of unknown brutalities. 

The unrelenting exposure will brake you down at the most fundamental level.

If you’re fortunate, you’ll fall into the zone. 

A state where you’re able to go well beyond what your conscious mind would allow.

If you’re unfortunate, you’ll remain harnessed to the crushing weight of unrelenting suffering. 

Many don’t finish.

Pulsing waves of intense emotion overwhelm those whose tires role over the finish line.

A surreal euphoric warmth envelopes you. 

Your wounds are badges of honor.

A plume of the rarest exotica now protrudes from the brim of your hat.

A hat you love to wear at that special occasion. 

Its my premise that most people who undergo the trials of ultra distance racing are doing it for reasons that aren’t immediately clear to themselves or others. 

We are told from an early age that we are an array of different things in relation to being smart, athletic, or creative and we soon learn to perform to these standards. Later in life, through trail and error, we inevitably encountour experiences that fundamentally change our perception of what life is and how we see ourselves in it. It’s my assumption that within the world of ultra distance biking, all practitioners had some heightened experiences that somehow related to biking. An innocent encounter that was so powerful that it became a fundamental components of their psyche. 

There are innumerable possible experiences and scenarios that develop these aspects of ourselves. 

I’ll speak directly to my experience and you can draw analogies that correlate with your experience. 

From an early age I was one of the fastest runners in my school. Although it gave me a lot of pride, I never liked it nor was I encouraged to further develop this skill. In my early twenties I dabbled in mountain bike racing and realized that I was better than average. Within a short period of time, I considered myself a mountain bike racer. With some experience I got better which bolstered my desires. Soon I was racing faster than many people in my cycling clubs. Years later, after exposing myself to longer and longer distances, I discovered that riding further than others was a talent that stood out. In a short time I redefined myself, deservedly or not, as an ultra distance mountain bike racer. 

Cycling the Inward path is the process I underwent that brought me face to face with many fallacies of these hard fought for perceptions. One seeming misplaced piece of yarn that begged to be pulled unravelled components of myself that brought me face to face with the realization that these stories and patterns of behavior were the obstacles that kept me from knowing my self and ultimately prevented me from realizing my fullest potential. 

The Beginning